I Am
by Kirmon64
Summary: Antola Maeir knows something is different about her. Or should that be him?


Some artistic licence taken with item prices. |D

x-  
>x-<p>

"Antola Maeir is a newcomer to Team Shenkuu in Year 10's Altador Cup. She plays in the position of Left Defender. Her gender has often been a matter of debate, and although TNT initially claimed she was female, they later said she had changed to male due to a Strange Potion - it is unknown if this was intended to be a joke."

_-from JellyNeo's Book of Ages_

x-  
>x-<p>

Antola didn't even know where to begin.

She was well and truly confused, and she was sure the confusion wouldn't leave any time soon. And she certainly couldn't _ask_ anyone. She was not as naive as others occasionally saw her. Asking would lead to more confusion at best, and derision at worst. This she was sure of.

It sounded pathetic, even in her head, besides. It was just... it was such a little thing, after all, and why should she be thinking about it now? She hadn't given it a thought before. Maybe it was because of Yooyuball.

Yes. That was almost certainly the reason why. It had only started after she'd been signed onto the team. Come to think of it - there was a particular incident. One of the team interviews mid-season. Some reporter had asked, quite rudely really, if she were a boy or a girl.

"I'm a girl," she'd replied with, automatically; it did make a sort of sense that people wondered, because she was quiet and certainly very tomboyish, and she didn't have the curves that Mirsha or Xana did. Others had asked about it previously, before the team, so there was certainly precedence as well.

They had moved onto the next line of questioning. Something far more proper, no doubt. She didn't remember any of it.

Telling the world she was a girl made her feel awful for reasons she couldn't understand.

x-

The next Cup had rolled around, and still she grappled with the unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach.

She still hadn't the faintest clue of how to go about fixing it. And it had gotten worse. Even thinking it - even thinking, "I am a girl" -

They asked her again. It didn't surprise her; people were forgetful or simply could not be bothered to read old interviews. This she understood. It could not be helped.

This time, however, she could barely force the words out. She was making a spectacle of herself, she was sure, but it went against her nature to lie, because that was what it _was_.

She caught a glimpse of her teammates watching her worriedly before she closed her eyes.

"I'm a girl."

x-

By the time of her third Cup, she knew something had to be done. She was not a girl. Nothing would change this. Not her biology, not what others said of her.

The only problem was how to change what she knew was wrong.

There had to be a way, she was sure. Now that she was certain of herself she would stop at nothing to fix it.

There was the Lab Ray, she knew; sometimes it would change a Neopet's gender. Or sometimes the Scientist himself would, if one fought him in the Battledome. But neither of these were options for her - without an Owner she couldn't gain access to the Laboratory and by extension the Scientist himself.

There were rumors that there was an article of clothing that might change gender, too - the Cape of the Sun, they called it. She'd thought at first that maybe you only had to wear it and it would work its magic. This was not the case, to her despair - you had to fight in the Battledome, and besides it only worked from boy to girl. She might have still tested it in desperation, but its price tag was far beyond her salary.

She thought briefly of finding an Owner for herself. That idea was immediately discarded. She didn't want to be commanded. Most Owners weren't like that, and logically she knew this. But if she were unlucky enough to get one who was a tyrant... Besides, she had a good feeling she would be removed from the team if she were to get one, and that was almost as horrible a prospect.

But, if it were the only way...

Then she discovered what the Scientist's method of changing gender was.

x-

Strange Potions, too, were expensive - though thankfully not like the Cape of the Sun was. She could afford it, though she'd have to save up for some time and live meagerly. It was more than worth it.

She only thought to inform Mirsha at the last minute, and even then only by leaving behind a letter. Some paranoid, fearful part of her thought they might stop her, and in fact did not want to tell them at all. But she knew that if she didn't, an even greater fuss would be raised, and she certainly didn't want them to find out only when they gathered for practise.

Then she was bound for Mystery Island and its famous Trading Post on a fast sky-junk, a bag of Neopoints jangling under her cloak.

She had some worries about whether or not she would be recognized. If she had been Xana or perhaps Foltaggio or Mirsha, she might have been. Yellow Zafaras were fairly common, however, and she found herself immensely relieved when no one gave her any more notice than they might have another Shenkuuan traveller.

The Owner she bought the Strange Potion from did give her an odd look, but he was certainly willing enough to hand over his item in exchange for her Neopoints. It was because she was alone and Ownerless, she later learned, not because he recognized her. She had never been so glad for her coloration.

As quickly as she had come, she was back on a sky-junk and bound for home. This one was much larger; she had her own quarters. It was in these that she finally examined the Potion. It looked the same as a Healing Potion, but as she uncorked it she could easily tell they were not one in the same. Its aroma was entirely different, and pleasant - incongruously like starberries.

And there was a magical buzz from it; she could feel it even though she was no mage. This was not a common Healing Potion.

Nervousness began to creep up on her as she studied the bottle a moment longer. This was it. Life would be forever different afterwards.

He steeled himself, took a deep breath, and drained the bottle.

x-

Inevitably, the question came again. He'd been fully expecting it; not only from repetition, but some of the reporters were old hands at this. They recognized that something was different about him, even if they couldn't fully articulate what it was.

They were too polite to ask, or at least not during the press conference itself. He expected one of them to perhaps come after him once it had ended.

It turned out that none of them needed to. As always, one of the new ones asked. Out of the corner of his eye he caught his team looking in his direction - encouragingly, he imagined. Xana at least was certainly smiling and nodded very slightly.

Antola smiled and replied as he had always wanted to.

"I'm a boy."


End file.
